Substitute Professor
by The Werewolf Mage
Summary: Self proclaimed werewolf professor James Potter is at it again. When their DADA teacher leaves during a lesson on werewolves, James decides to play substitute.


Title: Substitute Professor

Summary: Self proclaimed werewolf professor James Potter is at it again. When their DADA teacher leaves during a lesson on werewolves, James decides to play substitute.

Note: God, I haven't done Professor James in ages. Wow, that sounded perverted. I need to do more of James as the professor of werewolves. Maybe he'll give Gen a crash course on werewolves as a wedding present... or have I said too much?

I left this kind of open, in case I do want to do further lessons on this, you know, like make it a chapter fic.

Dedication: Everyone who loves Professor Potter! There, no one can be left out!

It was a bright and sunny day as the Marauders headed for Defense Against the Dark Arts. But not all of them were in a sunny mood. Remus Lupin was dragging behind. He was very tempted to fake ill during this lesson.

"Come on, Moony, it won't be so bad." James said, stopping to wait for Remus to catch up.

"Says you." Remus muttered.

James rolled his eyes and sighed. "You are too much sometimes, you know? It's not like anything's going to click in anyone's head."

"It did in yours." Remus pointed out.

Sirius and Peter were waiting for them outside the classroom. "Think I can sleep during the lesson and get away with it?" Sirius asked casually. "It's not like we don't know this."

The only answer he got was a loud groan from Remus as he sank down at the desk in the very back of the room. Which also happened to be closest to the door.

"Poor Moony." James muttered, sitting down at the desk next to Remus, dropping his books with a loud crash. "It'll be over soon."

"Not soon enough." Remus grumbled.

The class sat in silence as they waited for the professor. Who came in five minutes later, fussing with his papers. "I'm sorry, class." he called, dropping his papers onto his desk and managing a weak smile. "I did not mean to be this late. But lessons will end when they do."

He paused. When the class did not respond, he began. "So, werewolves. Severely misunderstood by most of the wizarding community. Why, it's rather hard to tell a werewolf from a normal person unless it's nearing the full moon!"

James chanced a glance at Remus, who was sinking lower and lower in his seat. He gave him a reassuring smile and turned his attention back to the professor.

"... magical and Muggle alike. Though most Muggles do not think that there are such things as werewolves at this day and age. But there have been a number of Muggles bitten. And they have lead near normal lives."

He stepped from behind his desk, all signs of the absent-minded professor gone. The class knew it as his way of saying that he was getting serious about this lecture.

He turned to the board, pulling his wand out of his pocket. Before he could flick his wand, however, there was a loud knock at the door. It was McGonagall.

"The Headmaster wishes to have a word with you." she said curtly.

"Didn't he have enough words earlier?" With a scowl, he followed her out of the classroom.

"Excellent." James said brightly. "Looks like you're going to live through this lesson, Remus. Wonder want Dumbledore wants?"

"Whatever it is, I know it won't last an hour and half." Remus grumbled.

"Why don't you teach us, James?" Sirius asked sarcastically, leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up on the desk. "With your, ah, knowledge, it'll be over in two seconds and Remus won't have to suffer."

"Brilliant!"

Remus sank even lower in his chair and James got to his feet and strode confidently to the front of the classroom.

"Good morning, class." James began cheerfully.

"But it's nearly two in the afternoon!" Sirius pointed out.

James managed a cheerful smile as he said, "I'll thank you for the sass, Mister Black. Now, then. Your regular teacher was supposed to teach you about werewolves, correct?"

"What are you doing Potter?" Lily Evans demanded, glaring at him.

"I'm teaching, what does it look like I'm doing?" James demanded of her.

"Right. When the actual professor comes back in here, I'm so going to enjoy seeing you get detention."

"Only if you'll join me." James said with a wink.

Lily pushed her chair back as far as she could, a look of disgust on her face. "I don't date teachers!" she spluttered, obviously playing along with James's little game, even though it was apparent she did not really want to. But it provided a nice excuse.

"So," James said, turning his attention away from her and to the board, where he picked up a piece of chalk. "Werewolves."

For a moment, the class thought he was going to write something rude on the board. Instead, he drew a very, very bad attempt at a werewolf.

"Excuse me, Pro-fess-or," Sirius began, shoving his fist into the air, "but what the hell is that?"

"It's a werewolf!" James said, sounding very insulted.

"It looks like a diseased roadkill possum."

"Well..." James began icy, "NO ONE ASKED YOU!" He straightened up his robes and returned to cheerful professor mode.

"This 'diseased possum', as Mister Black so kindly put it, differs greatly from the normal wolves that frolic around your yards at night. For instance, the snout -- " here he broke off to scribble a few scribbly marks, which meant nothing to anyone, near the supposed snout of his creation, " -- is a bit longer and has a distinctly different shape to it and..."

"This is great, isn't it, Remus?" Sirius asked, turning his attention to Remus. All he could see was a bit of sandy brown hair peeking out above the desk.

"I hate him." Remus whispered. "And he has no idea what he's talking about."

"You know he's just doing this to see how many people are going to actually write these answers on their quizzes, right?" Sirius asked. "You know Peter's going to do it."

Remus could really care less whether or not Peter actually wrote any of this nonsense down. He just wanted to bolt and never, ever return to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

Though, he had to admit, James was doing a pretty decent job of playing the part of a professor. If Remus did not know that James roamed around with a werewolf every month, he would probably be convinced by James's knowledgeable way of acting.

"The tail," James continued with earnest, "is really, really fluffy. Well, OK, the actual way of describing it is 'tufts' but I like fluffy better." he studied his drawing for a minute, then, deciding his werewolf's tail was not 'tufty' enough, he added more fluff.

"Now, then, any questions so far?"

Again, Sirius's hand went up. "Where in the hell did you learn this?"

James chose to ignore him this time. He turned his attention back to the drawing and was going to illustrate another point when the classroom door flew open and he heard McGonagall's very familiar enraged cry. "JAMES POTTER!"

James was told to wait after class to discuss his detentions. Yes, that is a plural.

"How bad was it?" Sirius asked as James joined them in the hall after a long ten minutes with McGonagall lecturing about how he was not to take over a lecture for a teacher whenever he or she leaves the room, no matter how smart he thought he was.

"Not too bad." James shrugged. "A couple weekends detention. Less than I expected, actually. 'Course, with the Quidditch Final coming up, she's going to go easy on me." James grinned at Remus and asked, "Did YOU like my lesson, Moony?"

"Actually," Remus began, shifting his bag to his other shoulder, "as embarrassing as I felt it to be, you did seem like you knew your werewolves. I'd give it an 'Acceptable'."

"JUST an Acceptable?" James demanded. "Come on, it's an Outstanding if you ever saw one!" As he watched Remus shake his head, he added, "I make a wonderful professor!"

"Wonderfully idiotic." Sirius smirked. "But, hey, made my afternoon. You need to do it again in Potions or something."

"I should, shouldn't I?" James asked with a grin, immediately getting ideas for a lecture if Slughorn ever left the classroom.

Remus, Peter, and Sirius exchanged glances before answering with a hearty, "NO!"


End file.
